My heart, the one inside my chest, is just a normal heart. It beats.
It pumps blood, It does all the things a heart is meant to do. Nothing
magical. Nothing mystical. Just a heart. Yet amazing words have often
slipped from my tongue about what God has done with this heart. That
this heart, God's heart, has often been full beyond words and empty beyond
those same words. Loneliness plaques me here. I sometimes feel like a
stranger in a strange land. As if I am on the perimeter. Far out on the
outer ring. Like Jupiter, I do not belong with arms wrapped around this
earth, around this Kensington, wrestling to fill my loneliness with a youth
that no longer knows me. Where then do I belong? Who's voice shall fall
upon my ears? What eyes will smile at me? My heart longs for the Father.
But do I seek Him here tonight?
I am starving, but I am
not hungry. I am asleep and I am blind to a banquet that stands before me. Take my hand
and lead me. I really do not know the way. I am greedy for love. But is
it His love? Or is it a hunger for that which never was? For that shadow
of unworthiness that lurks over my shoulder. Change me. Use me. Fill
me. I want so to share your love. But do I know that love? I thought so.
But tonight it is a ghost in my memory. Forgive me. Forgive me. Please
forgive me. Please show me how to risk a risk that leads me closer to
you.
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"Risk" acrylic on canvas 44" x 58"
Click picture for larger image. |
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